Text 13 Sep 11 notes Call It Fate

During two straight weeks of nightly pizza deliveries, Martin notes that the delivery boy shows up exactly 29 minutes after each call - one minute short of netting him a free pie. Fishing out his old tool kit, he sabotages the building’s elevators in an thrifty scheme to delay the order, which backfires when paramedics are unable to reach him following a cholesterol-induced heart attack.

Daphne sets up a 1-800 psychic hotline number to dispense free advice to believers in ESP, but is forced to shut it down after a single afternoon when her mother takes advantage of the dedicated toll-free phone time to badger Daphne relentlessly from Manchester.

Pointedly taking a call on his trendy new flip-phone at a prestigious art gallery opening, Niles gets the skin of his cheek caught in the phone’s plastic flap, and must spend the evening pretending to be caught in a preposterously long and absorbing call while rudely snubbing any guests who attempt to interrupt his “conversation”.

Roz determines that prying up the hundreds of bathroom wall tiles sporting her phone number throughout the city would actually be cheaper than having new business cards printed up.

Frasier has a heated, 45-minute-long on-air argument with a child who called into his show by accident.

Text 12 Sep 16 notes The Summer Wind

Frasier and Niles sober up to realize that following an eleven-bottle blind taste-off at the Wine Club the previous night, they broke into KACL at 2am to drunkenly broadcast an impromptu and incoherent episode of Frasier’s show. Turning on the morning news with shame, they’re surprised to discover their antics were a hit with late-night listeners and have triggered a rise in ratings. Fearing that such gimmicks may wear thin upon repeat broadcasts, the pair go into hiding for the rest of the summer, drowning out any responsibility to their trade with an endless haze of alcohol-fueled partying.

Martin snoozes on the end of a lakeshore dock somewhere in the Washington countryside, a straw hat pulled low over his brow, his nose white with zinc oxide and a fishing line lazily tied to his big toe. Roz slums it by dating a man who lives in an actual slum, but finds the long summer nights spent drinking beer on rusty 5th-floor fire escapes with good new friends to be a more enchanting experience than dinner in a fancy restaurant. Daphne resolves to read the complete works of John Steinbeck during daily visits to the dog park with Eddie, but becomes too distracted by making up names, relationships and life stories for the many squirrels skittering through the trees around her bench.

At first sight of Autumn’s red beginning to paint the topmost leaves of Seattle’s towering elm trees, Frasier and Niles wash up in a drainage ditch, refreshed and resolving to carry on Frasier’s radio show with more regularity once again.

Text 9 Sep 8 notes Nero - Satisfrasier

pomp up the volume 


Text 17 Aug 11 notes frasier

Martin battles an ape atop the space needle. Roz sips martini’s in cancun while the plane she flew over in crashes to the tune of billy joels scene from an italian restuarant. all will live love and be saved by the cows on daphnes childhood farm. ants now rule seattle.

Text 4 Jul 11 notes Fourscore Seven

Daphne’s mock-apple pie passes seamlessly for the real deal at Niles’ Independence Day dinner party, earning them the approval of both the Montana’s stern tenants board and the immigration official in charge of approving Daphne’s greencard. Roz takes Alice to see her first fireworks display at Lake Union, creating a cherished and magical memory for life. Frasier’s soaring rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner propels the Seattle Mariners to an unlikely grand-slam victory, making Martin a cool ten grand on a last-minute bet. With the centralized festivities in full swing, teeming herds of vengeful bison slowly surround the city.

Text 3 Jul 12 notes Bat Wings and Pretty Things

Niles, deciding he can’t bear to see Daphne continue to gain weight at her current rate, prods and pelts her insultingly with bon-bons until she decides to attend a weight-loss spa. When she returns, however, he is horrified to discover that while she has indeed lost weight, she has retained most of her loose skin. The situation grows more dire when Daphne begins gliding in a bat-like fashion from tree tops and tall buildings, terrifying neighborhood children. Things climax in the third act when she becomes tangled in Niles’ hair after being goaded down from the rafters of his cavernous apartment by means of a broom handle - all of which occurs, naturally, during an elaborate dinner party Frasier is hosting at his brother’s in order to ingratiate himself to no less than thirty-eight different cultural boards and committees with whom he is seeking membership.

Martin tries to repair the old family lawn mower, with some unwelcome help from Roz.

Text 26 Jun 9 notes Note Perfect

Frasier decides to compose yet another theme song for his radio show. Rejuvenated by the project at first, he begins to pour more and more energy into it, staying up late into the night to scrawl sheet music at the piano and going to increasingly extreme and paranoid lengths to prevent anybody else from hearing or reading a single note. Frasier soon appears to lose all sense of reason, making outrageous accusations like that Niles has been stealing his f-sharps(“You’ve been coveting those sharps since we suckled at Mother’s teat!) and that Daphne has replaced his peacock-feather notation quill with that of a common pheasant. He eventually drinks an entire bottle of iron gall ink and is found by his family face-down on the hardwood steps next to the piano, surrounded by crumpled staff paper, hand still twitching as if trying to jot down more music.

After having Frasier hospitalized, Niles sits down and attempts to play the new theme from the sheets while Daphne and Martin listen, but from the very first bar, the result is only a jarring cacophony of notes with no apparent structure or underlying melody.

Photo 26 Jun 38 notes
Text 19 Jun 14 notes Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs

Niles and Daphne take an erotic cooking class together which quickly breaks down into a circus sideshow - or perhaps freakshow - due to Niles’ many comical allergic reactions. When Martin and his poker buddies watch an old porno movie taped from cable, he’s shocked and disturbed to recognize a young Roz in the lead role of “Rosey Palms”. He later finds he can’t get the image of her lewd acts out of his head, and begins to entertain increasingly deplorable fantasies involving the two of them and occasionally Eddie. Frasier has become completely fed up with taking elaborate pains such as soft music, wine, fancy candles and fine dining to charm his dates and instead resorts to a bird-like mating dance. His new moves are a hit with the gorgeous Seattle U Professor of Ornithology he’s courting and result in a night of passionate lovemaking…. that is, until a hungry muskrat intrudes upon their nest.

Text 14 Jun 13 notes A Slice Of Life

Daphne scoffs about how so many American news anchors have alliterative first and last names, but when Martin presses her about this peculiar complaint, she’s unable to think of a single actual example. Niles develops a rivalry with another regular customer of François’ Finest Fromagerie. The two begin showing up earlier and earlier each day to reserve whole orders of the other’s favourite goods and deliberately hide key cheeses in the wrong aisles until they’re eventually both banned from the shop. When an important knob goes missing from her radio console, Roz lets her production quality degrade to comical lows rather than deal with the station’s obnoxious new repairman. Frasier awakens from a night of curiously vivid dreams to find himself floating impossibly into the air above his own bed. His awe at the surreal situation is quickly interrupted by the merciless blades of a ceiling fan.

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